I think I have never stayed in Hà Nội for more than a week over the past 3 years. And before that 3 years, I think I took Hà Nội for so much granted that I barely thought much about it. I guess only when you are not having something do you realize how much you miss it. For me, one of the things is places.
I have been travelling heavily since 2018. There were a few places that really got me teary when I was about to leave– Chicago, San Francisco, Carlisle, and of course, my home, Hà Nội.
It is funny that, for all the time growing up in Hà Nội, I never once thought carefully about how I was deeply and meaningfully connected with the city. What do I mean by that? It’s about my family, friends, all things we did together in this busy city– my parents rode me to schools, extra after-school classes, my friends hung around with me after school, exploring streets or studying together, having ZERO interest in future prospects. It’s also the people I talked to randomly in cafes near the Old Quarter, and the experiences as well– long walks around West Lake, attend indie concerts at Hanoi Rock City (Cá Hồi Hoang T_T) or join study abroad events at the American Center. And don’t get me on the food– Hà Nội has the best food (someone get me some bún chả and bánh cuốn please). Sure, it’s also about the long-ass traffic jam at 6 PM on Chương Dương bridge or in Nguyễn Chí Thanh street about which I still have the vivid memory. And sure, it’s the constant awkward/insecure feeling whenever I go to school, SAT/TOEFL classes, social club events, where there were a bunch of smart kids… Basically, I developed a whole package of emotions and life experiences in Hà Nội.
Hà Nội is where I started to think that we should be emotional, all in the mood for romantic experiences and feelings. “I feel, therefore, I am”. It’s the most human part that worths living. I was lucky enough to be surrounded by lovely people who care so much about each other, every of our conversations became extraordinary in the most mundane context, it’s spiritual. We could listen to each other for hours and feel absolutely terrible when our times ended. That is how I feel about growing up in Hà Nội with my people.
Now, being an adult and after years of being abroad, I think the Hà Nội part in me is no longer purely there anymore. It’s mix of things that need balanced out or be realistic. Nonetheless, while facing with uncertainties and the struggle of surviving in adulthood, I am glad that I still have my people around to feel connected, although I still need to reconnect with some. Hà Nội in me is probably gone away, but I am forever grateful for having the chance to create the experiences with my people in Hà Nội, which built me up to the person today.
Hà Nội has its flaws, but it’s never been perfect and never will be. For many subjective reasons, it has its own charms, quiet, peaceful moments amid the bustling streets and the shouts from everywhere. I try not to romanticize it, but how could you not?
Hà Nội, out of context: When life gives you no milk, you take the egg yolks and turn them into the hell out of café au lait—so-called egg coffee .
